the dance of the ink riddled fingers

here’s to twenty-ten & loves to pen

Posted in pin the tail on the love, thought spills by enisea on 01/01/2010

I’ve just returned from a euphoric new year celebration with my favourite mixed bag of misfits! Winding down, my previous exhaustion has temporarily left me and as I cannot be bothered taking a much needed shower, I sit on the couch (which I plan to fall asleep on) with an energy saving lamp glowing warm yellow. When I turned on the lamp, it awoke the fly that managed to trap itself in my house and which insists on flying around my lounge room and revolving around me. The buzz of it’s flight is the main irritant. By morning, I presume it would have lost hope and hopefully starved itself to death by both lack of food and freedom.

Today I told my friend that “love was desperate” and that loving somebody inevitably meant looking stupid and/or needy and uncool. I told him with the matter-of-fact confidence as if it were a statistic I had recently researched. But I suppose everybody within my “i love” or “loves me” categories have seen me at my uncoolest and known the needy, greedy child I am. Oh fly, please die.

So for the next 365 days, we must all write 2010 at the end of our dates.

A few days ago, whilst I sat in solitary at a friend’s pool, I wrote a page of something in anticipation for the new year. The title and first few words read: Things I probably should consider considering. I spent the whole time determining what I should consider and hardly considered those items I deemed worthy of consideration before time nudged me to return home for dinner.

Dear God, I’m going to need a heck of a hand getting through yet another year. May this year be better, bolder, fresher, accomplished and challenging. My God, that you would be the healing in my words, the challenge in my actions and the motivation to never be half-hearted. Let complaints be further from my lips, lusts be further from my soul and selfishness further from my heart. Grant me a greater capacity to love. Grant me your strength to carry those I’m to support. And resilience to not fall to pieces in response to inevitable hurts.  Thank you for your agape love, your unfailing love and immovable security. You are My Rock, Redeemer, Saviour and Peace. Thank you in advance for your forgiveness for my screw-ups, hypocrisy and failings. I love you much, yet nowhere near as much as you love me.  Thank you for eternity. Thank you for hope. Thank you for twenty ten.

-Amen.

Happy new year, my loves.

Ps: Mother Dear (bless her) wrote an command on the whiteboard stating “Pls clean up your rooms! Or nobody’s going out tonight”, so before I left to a hysterical new years party and reversed into another car, I cleaned my room in honour of Mother.

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