the dance of the ink riddled fingers

broken glass and a yearning for the sun

Posted in 52 pickup by enisea on 06/02/2010

I’m still running away from inadequacy – but fast growing tired.  I’m finding shallow waves of insecurity lick the beginning of my being and the chilly whip of wishful winds swirl my hair into a mess. I’m beginning to realise abstinence is much harder in practice than theory. Also, that compromise is the cheating relief I must advert from my line of view, lest I accidentally make it my direction.  I contemplated calling a few of you this morning, when I revisited what we dubbed ‘sunrise mountain’. The short cliff didn’t appear as precarious or delightfully menacing as it did those 6am mornings two, three years ago. There lay the disappointing remnants of many smashed green glass bottles. This was no scenic opportunity anymore, because the selfish and immature had made it a graveyard of glass and cardboard. Regardless, I found the least effected peak and sat there a while, talking to God for five minutes.

It’s nice out today. I’m going to go and sit in it. And hope the niceness can seep into my upset soul and from the inside – shoo it out. Dear God, sever those broken parts of me that contradict love and murmur selfishness. I want not to practice cowardice anymore. I want to be brave. I don’t think this Christian humbling process is supposed to package insecurity like this. God, please also do away with my insecurities – they’re crippling.

Abba, hide me.

For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. -2Corinthians5:17

The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. -Zephaniah3:17

Ahhh! You. Are. Lovely.

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