the dance of the ink riddled fingers

she looks like me and apparently I look good.

Posted in how was your day?, thought spills by enisea on 19/04/2010

Tell me it doesn’t warm the heart when the only asian (totally hyperactive) girl of the total 27  prep kids looks up and with inquisitive smile, says, “You look good!” twice at different occasions.  I think what made me beam was the thought of That’s something I would say, but she’s 15 years my junior!

I don’t think anyone could deny the welling of subtle pride when encountering those who may appear to be a ‘miniature clone’ of self.  The sort of puffing of torso which claims, Well I didn’t do half bad! So if she keeps this up, neither will she!  This does, no doubt, also leak in the flaws of your own and create wonders sounding like If she believes this at this age and isn’t mature enough to realise otherwise, then she’s screwed. But simultaneously, Oh, she’ll above and beyond that which I did! She should experience the same at earlier years and therefore fast-forward her maturity and success! …I think.  Which provokes inquiries of whether I am successful. Which follows to the root of all motivations: What do I want again? What do I really, really want do achieve?

And I think that may be sufficient soul searching and self-reflection to make up for the 6 days of blog neglect.

Update: The part of the bible (Ezekiel) I’ve been travelling through lately has been one of historic hell-fire and brimstone. And hoping to not sound horribly twisted, yet remaining true to honestly, I must admit I’ve found myself totally riveted since Lamentations. I suppose after reading chapter upon chapter of warning and warning continually unheeded (by Isaiah and Jeremiah), it felt like justice satisfied to have punishment descend exactly as described it would – sort of like applauding a parent for being firm with their undisciplined child.  In context, Lamentations & Ezekiel was written during a time after ‘God’s chosen people’ had neglected, ignored and refused the God who earlier saved them; consequently finding themselves likewise neglected, ignored and refused by God, whose patience for their lifestyles, sin and grotesque practices had finally curdled into the absence of His presence and therefore His goodness.

I leave you with this, (I found this sturdy extract from the bible incredibly strong). This is the sort of heroic I admire: one that experiences a sort of hell (true, as the absence of God – from whom all goodness is stemmed – is hell), yet  acknowledges and anchors on truth and faith regardless of circumstance and emotion.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him.
Let him bury his face in the dust – there may yet be hope.
Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.

For men are not cast off by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

Lamentation3:19-  33

Ahh, life is more cuts and bruises than chubbachups and chocolate gold coins.  But it is the things we search for which validate the hurts of the journey as worthwhile.

Life wasn’t meant to be easy. Life was meant to be worthwhile.

Ps: You look good.

Pps: If having read this, God sounds like a keen, mean, killing machine – do reconsider. God is love and all that jazz, but He is also absolutely just and wholey pure; just as He is infinitely graceful, merciful and therefore forgiving. It’s hard [impossible] to comprehend so many infinites in one being (three, if you count by trinity) but He’s truth and concrete as ever. Do bombard me with questions/comments/etc if you feel like it and I’ll try my best to answer them.  I am quite aware that God is a very interesting topic.


One Response

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  1. saNdra said, on 20/04/2010 at 11:56 PM

    waH! mini self! ive yet to met one of those. im such a peculiar person ><"
    Oh, Christian Union at uni is going through Ezekiel atm i think …
    Yep, God is a very very hot topic, brings out the emotion in the faithful and non-believer alike.

    Wishing you well!!!

    p.s. maybe ya have some friends that would enjoy this:

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