the dance of the ink riddled fingers

the highs of life

Posted in epiphany tiffany, how was your day?, thought spills by enisea on 20/06/2010

Sometimes, many times, very often I write something only to have a change of headspace a few hours later.   As if by sitting in my own company I somehow fall into a concussion of emotion which verily surfaces for the sake of feeling something.  I like how emotion makes me feel human, I don’t like my habit of inducing emotion when stimulated by somebody else’s.

Well! Contrary to the post prior, may I just report having returned from a most wonderful embrace in the midst of my church community. I love church. I love this belonging. This concoction of odds and ends people types – people with very different mannerisms, very different lifestyles, contrasting pasts and little in common except that we agree there is nothing better than to live for/with/in a God infinitely larger than ourselves.  It’s nice because I didn’t have to do my hair today. Well I didn’t have time to. It probably sounds petty, but my hair is every other girl’s makeup. I don’t wear make-up, I do my hair.  So it was a nice kind of vulnerable to have people see the unedited exterior and not be as unimpressed as myself and perhaps even liking my lack of style.

Anyway, I cannot complain about my life. I chose it. I am part of a loving family. I have strong friends. I have a purpose and a drive for life. I know the industry I will “grow up” in/as/for.  I am accepted even when “undone”.  I have been identified in Christ. I find conversation with strangers, normal.  I have people I admire in reachable vicinities. I can write.  I am with minimal scars, a sheltered past (mostly self-inflicted) of little/no trauma. I am appreciated. I am free.  Oh, and I have an income.

This life, anyone can take away from me.   But for the while that I have it, this current moment that I am blessed, I will appreciate.  Forgive my complaints, I seem to make an art of lamenting and complaining; reminding myself of my needless imperfections and limited perspective.

Sleep deprivation is a small price to pay for my well endowed lifestyle, I’ve got it cheap! And even though my sleeps are shorter now, they’re still ever perfect and come swiftly, they don’t make this woman wait!

Ahh, joy – dear freedom, how did I forget that you follow me?

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