the dance of the ink riddled fingers

we’ll sleep where the walls can’t fall on us

Posted in how was your day?, thought spills by enisea on 16/07/2010

It’s 1:42am and I just went to check the letterbox because a delivery was expected and had apparently arrived. Sure enough, having opened the letter compartment, there was – jammed in, just comfortably – the shaped durable fabric of a camera case. It took a a bit of convincing the case out of the letterbox before I got it free. But I did.  But that’s not what I want to write about. Sure, I have a camera until Sunday.

But what took my breath away was the sky.  I didn’t notice a disco of stars – because the sky wasn’t clear, it was the grayish maroon/purple that reminds me of the Melbourne city’s sky, but I did notice the calm.  Sort of as if the air had settled. There was no noise of day, nobody had stirred up the gravity. It was still. It was night.  The air was relaxed, thin and rested.  And I just wanted to sleep on my driveway. I wanted just to lay on the inclined driveway and simply begin to comprehend how ‘the day’ works.

I didn’t… because I have an imagination that creates childhood monsters: and being outside, alone in the early hours of the next day would be too tempting for my overly-keen frightful imagination; and because I was a little tired and there was a chance I’d actually fall asleep and wake up with ants on my face; and because I’d want to be impressed with another person, it’s easy to feel lonely nowadays, and I don’t want to place myself in anymore situations than necessary; and because, just because. I didn’t do it. I want to soon. It wasn’t that cold, I was surprised actually, I didn’t walk outside into clouds of open refrigerators.   So I think we should do that sometime.  We don’t even have to talk much. I haven’t been good at conversations lately. Not even with those I’d call my closest friends. I just want your company. Because as long as your there, I don’t need your voice to reassure me. As much as I love your voice. It’s just gonna take some time again, because we keep forgetting to be frequent.

I don’t want to disappoint you for this article. Why do I need to get it down by tonight? Because we’re seeing the editor at 10am today and I need to have something to show him. Ah, I wasted my time today a little, for shame.

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