the dance of the ink riddled fingers

the plague and goodbye

I’ve been plagued with ideas this year.  This addiction to these simple and (to me) explosive ideas, has had me on the edge of every cliff.  I started out excited. Heck, my brain was in overdrive and I planned to be both successful and a millionaire by 25, maybe 30.  Yet now, the entrepreneur in me has begun taking up more and more of my entirety.  The ambition has, little by little, begun to dictate the time I had otherwise allocated to the stable ideas I committed myself to years ago needing maintenance. I’m horrid at maintenance. I told my father today, as he was cleaning the bathroom pipes, that when I get a house of my own, I’d pay him each semester to do all the maintenance jobs. Actually, speaking of my father, he’s the ultimate DIY-fix-it-handy-man! Don’t believe me? Come and see my backyard.  Maybe I inherited the DIY gene from him. Except, he’s satisfied keeping his talents, ambitions and incredible dreams within the perimetre of his own life, whereas I’m convinced I can infect at least my vicinity!

Today I was actually confronted with the seriousness of this obsession. Debbie keeps telling me to write them down, but I can’t keep up.  Plus, every time I do write one down, I flick back to the older ones and sigh that they’re yet to be launched.  It’s sort of crippling. There is much, so much I want to do. I want to help out here.  I want to launch some self-sustaining idea that can provide me a stable enough revenue for me to be able to commit myself to the causes that I want to without caring that I’d get nothing for them.  I have solid ideas which I can see taking me ten years to complete and slightly more shallow ones which I’d hope would be off the ground and self-sustaining within one year.  And it’s the same thing every time, but this year I’m beginning to think I’m a little out of control. I’ve started trading the valuable non-negotiable time slots for a wave of a new idea: thinking about how to do this one or how I would launch that one.  I don’t know what’s come over me. I’m distant and I’m closer. I’m aware of the storm brewing and I’m still skipping across the deck casually doing my duties at a leisurely pace.  The ideas might work another day, but I first must attend to cards already in play. Strategy is one of my most inconsistent characters.

I’ve got to go now and get back to life.

ps: I don't know what to write here anymore. I'm beginning to think my era of blogging is
over...it feels like it's tapering off in this 6th year of blogging. Whatever writing I
have left is meant for something more accumulative, something less nicole revolving. 
Thanks for watching this space, the few devout readers I know I have.  And for you out
there that I didn't know, thanks for reading.
I might occassionally add something, but don't count on it.

Appreciate it.

pps: reading over the very first entries, I’m washed with lip-bitten smiles. Shout out to jaz and ebil – I’m reading back on old times.  I used to write just for you. Thank you for the encouragement years and years ago. Ohhh my, I was so young, so young, so exciteable, so naive, so fresh, so alive, so immature, so in love with life.. . and here I am at 2010 dreading the next idea that comes to mind.  I fear there is little balance.

..and mikee, I met you on the 15th may 2005. I know this exactly because I blogged about meeting all four of you “bendigo-ers” that fateful Sunday. dechoko, I miss the old jokes and good times – oh just to laugh at a 15 year-old’s infatuation! Oh wow, even nate knew and commented on the earlier, shamefully teeny-bopper 2005 blog.

Oh dear, now here I am drowning in memories.

THANK YOU FOR READING HALF THE JUNK HERE! I KNOW HALF OF THIS IS OLD NEWS AND I’M JUST A TWENTY-ONE YEAR OLD WHO DOESN’T KNOW HER WAY AROUND LIFE VERY WELL. PLEASE FORGIVE THE BOUTS OF DEPRESSION. PLEASE FORGIVE THE REPETITIVE FRUSTRATIONS. PLEASE FORGET THE ATTEMPTS AT TRYING TO BE COOL. I NEED TO STOP BLOGGING AND LIVE MORE SO THAT I DON’T RUIN ALL OUR LIVES!

I LOVE YOUAND IF I DON’T REALLY, THEN I WOULD. I WOULD LOVE YOU, GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY. BECAUSE YOU’RE PROBABLY MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN ME AND I FALL EASILY OVER BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!

Life ain’t gonna get any better.  You are.

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2 Responses

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  1. saNdra said, on 31/07/2010 at 9:15 PM

    waHH!!! ideas ideas!! ya so full of them! and spontaneous too heheh..

    ya writings were very worth the read. catch ya soons=]

  2. Sleeven said, on 04/08/2010 at 12:11 AM

    all good things must come to an end and this was good, it was fun reading about your inner workings sister. even if i only found out about blog this a few months back, nonetheless you’re awesome and i’m frustrated with the going fishing piece.
    love .. in the glove.


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