the dance of the ink riddled fingers

flattery, validation, value.

Posted in 52 pickup, how was your day? by enisea on 26/10/2010

Having returned from China only hours ago, I must confess, not only was my appetite satisfied,  but my ego also.

Sure: I loved the abundance and variety of food; the road system was dangerously entertaining; the shopping was marvelously cheap; service (hair washing, massage, nails) was cheap; the weather was a minimum of sunny 25 degrees celsius. But one thing that I shamefully admit is the flattery and cheap validation I was adorned in…and loved.  Be it the written invitation to go nightclubbing or request for a contact number (both which were politely declined), whispers of “ho leng” and even the exaggerated pronunciation of english-poor chinese men, “yew ahrr so beeyootifool”…did I mention half of them were married?  Yet that didn’t stop these young married men from being grossly flirtatious.  It was a little disturbing

I was hoping to cold turkey myself of this attention for a little, lest I be so stupid as to assume value, worth and beauty lay in my appearance…but China may not have helped my addiction to cheap validation.  This I hate.

Oh, the best feeling I had was at the hair salon, after my hair had been “permed” and I didn’t look like a boy or an idiot with hair all wound up. After Grace and I had our hair styled we walked around the salon waiting and talking to jenny, and soon enough we’d attracted a reasonable crowd of hair stylists and workers, trainees etc sort of around us at the counter (since we were some of the last people there).  Knowing eyes were on us and hearing whispers of “ho leng loi”, only to look to the mr. speaker and see these wonderful smiles and be informed of their translation.   One in particular, was the sweetest.  I felt so adored, it was smiles all round!

Now, I know how wrong it is. I know how dangerous it is to start believing that perhaps I am some sort of beautiful – parcelled with some stinking arrogance and shallow substance…

but…

it feels good, and I feel beautiful, and feelings are feeble and I really should know better and not try to fish for these. But not to worry, I’m back in Australia and everybody is too cool to be so open with compliments and be so flattering. I know I need not feed on flattery if I listen only to the values and worths as valued and worthied by Him.  I just haven’t spent enough time with Him lately, and it was easier accumulating cheap validation in China then it was to see Him…

ridiculously enough.

      
                             Out of character: pretty in pink.
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One Response

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  1. saNdra said, on 27/10/2010 at 9:52 PM

    hahahha i like how ya write it. HO LENG! hahhaah ^^

    WOW! i didnt recongise you in the picture on the left.. its the moustache i say =P

    looks like so much fun!!

    ^-^

    take care!


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