the dance of the ink riddled fingers

the face that doesn’t matter

Posted in 52 pickup by enisea on 10/02/2011

Look at me!

Why are you looking at me?

Please don’t look at me.

I need you to see me.

I want to say all of these at the same time all the time. Lately has been the battle of fighting insecurity. Lately? Correction, my whole life has been this battle.  It’s funny though, it’s not the real battle, it’s the real small battle and the one intended to distract me from the more governing one.  So I’ve been trying to leave the house with much less effort than usual, not because I tend to look tacky, but because I want to train myself to learn how to be OK with not being particularly pretty.  Besides, if I’d like to redefine beauty in accordance with the quality of the heart, I need to spend more time looking at everyone else and less time in front of the mirror.  It really has nothing to do with how I look so I’ve got to stop thinking it does.  Although we live in such shallow culture, good-looking people are nothing new, we only crave big hearts  – big enough to swallow us whole, blemish and all.  We don’t really care about good looks.  We like them because we’ve been conditioned to classing people by their exteriors, but in actual fact, we really only want the freedom to be able to be the biggest dorks possible, have people laugh at our worst jokes and tell us how cool we are for being daggy.  Trying to look good enough is exhausting.  Trying to be good enough is worse.

Abba, I need you now.


3 Responses

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  1. The Gods of Vice said, on 11/02/2011 at 10:31 AM

    I’ve never heard the word “daggy” before! What on earth does it mean?
    We are certainly conditioned by society to think beauty means you must l”ook like this,” or at least do all the things associated with “looking like this.”
    If they could think of a way to sell people stuff to accessorise their personalities they would push that as being the number 1 factor of attraction!
    But there is no set formula for beauty, it can’t be be bought. But it is true that a persons looks can improve once you get to know their personality!

    • enisea said, on 11/02/2011 at 6:04 PM

      According to Urban Dictionary:
      Australian origin.
      adj. not stylish, out of fashion, not trendy, not cool, untidy, unclean, not neat.
      v. to have no style.”

  2. saNdra said, on 11/02/2011 at 5:02 PM

    i’ve always been for the insides that count, more so the mind.
    lets fight this battle together =] knowing that we have the best man on our side!!!

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