the dance of the ink riddled fingers

“are you ok?”

Posted in heroes of mine by enisea on 23/02/2011

I read a little of her life today and ended up with my head in my hands for a minute – not crying, just hiding.  Then I left messages on her page and then the urgency grew and I messaged her phone… no reply, so I messaged again and she called straight after.  This is when I cried.  I cried because she was lovely on the phone even though I hadn’t even thought about her for a couple of weeks, and I teared because she asked if I was alright and I said yes.  I suppose I masked it well because I dabbed at the few silent tears that escaped and commanded my voice maintain its steady.  The curious thing is that nothing’s wrong, I just felt sad, for no reason other than learning that a few of my friends were sad, and because there was some flooding relief that somebody I had foolishly thought needed me called with her nervous usual laughter and I realised then that the tables had turned and her call was exactly what I needed

Haha, she’ll know who she is.  Thank you.  And everytime you ask if everything’s OK, I’ll always say yes, because it’s usually always true, but you were refreshing and a relief for not holding my friendship negligence against me.

The funny thing about always being OK (honestly, I’m nearly always OK, thanks to my relationship with God and some amazing people, horrible things are capped at an easily overcome level) is that you hardly get asked if you’re OK.  I know that getting asked too much is annoying, but not getting asked very much makes you savour it every time, even if I I geniunely am OK every time.  When you’re seen as doing well there’s little mount on which to query concern, but knowing that that’s there is warming.  I’m actually OK!

This said, please don’t ask me if I’m OK next time you see me. I’ll laugh.

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One Response

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  1. The Gods of Vice said, on 25/02/2011 at 5:49 PM

    Poignant.


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