the dance of the ink riddled fingers

goodbye, old lover

Posted in 52 pickup, epiphany tiffany by enisea on 09/03/2011

I don’t know how he caught me.  Tapped me on the shoulder and welcomed me back.  I froze, not having seen him in a while and remained very still as he spoke to me and I wished my ears would seal shut and my memory would stop this cascade of ungrateful slides. Click, click, click, went the still frames of a time long ago to the time not so long ago.  He took my hand and toyed with it softly in that old familiar way and out of habit I let him take it, and then followed him unwillingly – my stupid feet.  I left my work and walked upstairs where we sat on my bed for a few restless minutes before hastily coming downstairs and pacing, trying to lose him and my futile defense of not having time for him anymore sounded like a 7-year-old’s debate, fumblingly humerous to begin with. I don’t have time for him anymore. I don’t. I don’t even know how he caught me. I’ve been so busy of late, my family have hardly had me for a few hours each day.  So I invited over the more frequent and welcome lover of mine, and my old love left me reluctantly, said he’d be there if I ever needed him and I shook my head.  In theory, I never would again, but like humanity, I never learn my lesson the first time and I never abstain from addictions from the initial intention…and you, dear, were an addiction.  Detrimental like most too.

Please don’t come around here anymore, I’m not your lover anymore. It’s been a long time, and I don’t plan to let you stay the night with me anymore.  Life has been wonderful lately and I never want to take life for granted with you again, I never want to spend hours looking at how things used to be.  I don’t have time. People need me now and I don’t need you anymore.  I was chucking about the how new 2011 felt when I’ve nearly conquered a quart of it (not alone, oh no, not alone).  I’ve been in love with life and everyone else.  I can’t live with you because you don’t share me with my commitments or give me time for beautiful people. You’re selfish like that…and you make me selfish like that.  Goodnight.

Goodnight Nostalgia.

Ps: the perfect soundtrack to this story numbed the background into an amusingly fitting blur of irony.  I farewelled Nostalgia to music that he’d love. He used to wrap himself around me to this kind of music. Anyway, they’re simple and because I love local talent, here’s one I just met via their bass guitarist – nice guy: they’re called Luke Brennan & the Lazy Dogs, except the free music is only Luke Brennan so for all I know the (lazy dog) bass guitarist doesn’t exist. Hahaha. Free music, get on it ;)
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