the dance of the ink riddled fingers

backlog disappointments

Posted in 52 pickup by enisea on 08/05/2011

I still can’t seem to remove myself from the occupation of letting people down. It’s actually quite gross.  I’ve decided to disappoint myself before disappointing others, it’s the lesser of two evils (I know that disappointing myself will also disappoint others, but the humiliation is on me alone and has no flow on effect to others, bar my reputation).  So this weekend, I’ve cleaned my room, fixed the dress for Mish to wear to ball, gotten through Mother’s day and have guarded the merchandice stall for a friend’s gig, posted a couple of overdue letters and still haven’t started Wednesday’s assignment. I feel horrible to fly the flag of surrender so soon, but I can’t finish it on time. Which means a backlog of two overdue assignments and generous servings of humble pie.

I want it to be next semester already, where I only have one college unit and a little more experience with this teaching thing. Having said that, I want it to be next year so that I could be a better teacher, I feel like I need to apologise to my kids and their parents – their graduate teacher is full of ambition and expectation, yet delivers little of it. Ugh.  My reflection is not a pretty one.

I can’t wait til the things I do actually impress people.

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