the dance of the ink riddled fingers

retail therapy does little for curing self of somebody else’s sadness

Posted in 52 pickup, how was your day? by enisea on 01/10/2011

Here, though, is my $88.50 attempt to pay for happiness at Glebe Market, Sydney.

It felt relatively numb.  All bargain buys that would’ve, on an ordinary day, excited me, today, merely cluttered my arms and lightened my purse.  I came to Sydney to be good company for a friend who needed some, but this sadness is much more aggresive and resistant to my usual antics than I’m used to.  For once, she had little appetite for shopping, affording only a half smile when I bought for her a small accessory she was undecided about buying.  Stunned by a frustrating gloom, it seems all I can do is to plaster some stale and stubborn smile, try to deliver an easy sort of humour and not get too disappointed that my efforts seem to provoke little positive response.  Just being present makes me restless, unarmed by any sort of heoric strategy for healing heartbreak, I’ve really come in close to observe the devastating effect one human being can have on another.  I don’t ever want to break a heart, it’s probably the height of humanity’s destruction. 

Tired of sitting down at bars, with an apathy for alcohol, I braved a sticky and half empty dancefloor at 2am last night/this morning in a Sydney bar, as the others talked about sad encounters and questionable relationship.  A tad embarrassed, alone and fed up with a haunting loneliness, I danced myself silly – and was grateful for James’ company shortly after, wherein I finally felt my face break into relieved smile for the handful of dance moves we donned that would probably make your grandmother laugh.  Thank God I doubt I’d ever return to that dancefloor, I positively looked the fool.

Haven’t decided if I’m going out Sunday evening/night yet, I’ll be happy to checkout Hillsongcity church tomorrow.  It won’t be like home and it won’t be filled with the community I’ve come to know as family, but it will do, no doubt.

I have to smile twice in Sydney, on behalf of us both.  But goodness knows it’s so much harder when many of the things/people that make me smile are in Melbourne.  Haha, I suppose I’m just testing my infinite supply of joy, because my personal portion is leaning towards the empty side of the metre.


2 Responses

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  1. Charlie said, on 02/10/2011 at 11:50 AM

    heya, have you heard the song “always” by equippers church?
    I’m especially loving it atm, and especially the chorus, ur last few entries remind me again
    hope your sunday goes well =)

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