the dance of the ink riddled fingers

lost in transition

Posted in pin the tail on the love, thought spills by enisea on 13/10/2011

I find the transitional times in life most uncomfortable. They represent the “neither here nor there, but getting there from here” moments.  From thithering in apprehension to the excitement of new experiences, one finds themselves rather indecisive in regards to what to do, how to handle it, alongside an insufficient supply of the  usual confidences.  Like… the first year of teaching, or self-initiated further study (for example, a grad dip), or perhaps taking on an administrative role for the first time – say, as an intern… or even just the classic example of learning to love and be loved.

Well, this pendulum of knowing and not knowing myself, life, my loves is rather exhausting.  My poor emotions have been ravaged; sometimes over-indulged in, other times ignored (very much resembling a binge pattern).  Achieving some sort of balance seems to be an achievement reserved for 2012.  Suffice to say, my heart and mind are already very much settling into the idea of next year, which I expect to be at least eleven times better, cooler, and wiser than this.

I love you and don’t know how to… at the same time.  I’ll have to make sure I look good enough that your frustrations evaporate everytime you see me, because I don’t exactly want to apologise for my apprehension into whatever this will be.  I exercise caution – doubly so in scenarios where I’m at risk.  Doesn’t mean I’m not rather fond of you, though.


One Response

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  1. Charlie said, on 13/10/2011 at 8:54 AM

    mhmm, i’m looking forward to next year already too
    sometimes God stretching us is uncomfortable =)

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