the dance of the ink riddled fingers

knocking self out.

Posted in 52 pickup, epiphany tiffany, thought spills by enisea on 15/10/2011

When on the cusp of a something new, one finds themselves amidst the violent procedures of change, followed by withdrawals from the familiar, and usually some form of extremity that swings from excess to abstinence and back again.

He knew exactly how everything would happen; the reality of it once completed.  His interior design was meticulously accurate… and He’s smile, lately, had been noticeably suspicious.  I was excited because He had alluded that there might be new furniture coming in.   Besides, I’d been dropping hints about how my very worn in one seater sofa, was very worn in!  Hoping that perhaps He’d be a darl and get me a new two-seater.

I stood in the midst of my home, jaw dropped, speechless.  He came close and held my limp hand in His.  Sledgehammer in His other.  To say the place was in shambles would have been a polite way of saying it.  It was just the two of us inside; as far as I was concerned, the exterior hadn’t changed, and everybody outside had no blinking idea what had just transpired.  I thought He was joking when He said the place needed to be renovated. So when He waltzed in equip with sledgehammer and told me that one of the walls seriously needed to be knocked down, I laughed and He smiled.  Then, He lifted one of my paintings off the wall, told me it would look better on other wall and swung the stone head straight into the vertical plaster.  I was more stunned than anything else. Here was the one person I loved and trusted like I love and trust none other, demolishing a wall inside me.  I felt progressively sicker as He went through me and set that unaffected stone head of a painful and numb sledgehammer to ruin my surfaces and break my furniture. It didn’t take long, funnily enough.  Merely a few hours… I slept through half of it, exhausted by an incomprehensible confusion.

“So, you’ll be pleased to know that I’ve ordered you a new two-seater…and you’ll love it! Wait til you see the craftmanship on that piece”, I nodded out a weak smile.  What. A. Mess.  That’s all I could see: mess.  Shattered glass, crumbled plaster, chipped paint, splinters of timber protruding from my furniture like a broken bone from a mangled arm.

“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For letting me do this.”
“For letting you hack away at most of my understandings?” 
He smiled, “Yes, that.”
“Oh, well, you know, half of them were old anyway and half of them I inherited freely from…society.”

“Do you trust me?”
“Yes. You’re good at what you do.  Sometimes, though, I don’t agree with your delivery.”
“You know that I love you.”
“Yes. What am I going to do now though?  I can’t exactly bring people in here, I’m a mess.”
“Not yet, but soon.”
“Can you show me your blueprints for the renovation now please?”
“No, it’s better you didn’t see them.”
“UGH, what am I supposed to do then?”
“I’ll give you little jobs to do, and we’ll build this better together.”
“Fine. Don’t tell me everything.”
“Trust me.”
“You always say that!”
“And do you always do that?”
“…eventually? Hahahaha! Heck, give me that hammer, you didn’t knock that wall down enough!”

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