the dance of the ink riddled fingers

because justifying helps us live with ourselves.

Posted in epiphany tiffany by enisea on 26/10/2011

I’ve really wrestled with my automated brain to mouth mechanism that finds need for justification.  Too embarrassed just to stop at “I didn’t find it”, “I’m not on time”, “I took this”, “I went along with it” or “I don’t want to do that”, I find myself reeling off some self-gratifying “reason” why.

Sure, I believe in having a reason for everything, but I’m beginning to think it’s important to let others decide if they want to hear it rather than presumptuously imposing on their curiousity (or lack of) with a bombardment of justification.  We are so defensive about offending or disappointing people – so worried about somebody else’s perception or opinion of us, that we decide to make ourselves out to be “not that bad” by getting as close to the mark as possible as though to attempt to fool our audience into thinking it’s so close to the target, having missed it was negligible.

Haha, so here goes trying to degenerate my automatic defensive word vomit.  I’ll eject it all only if the recipient asks for it.  I’ll wait for your “why?” and if it doesn’t come, and you don’t seem interested in me, myself and my justifications, we’ll just talk about you!

Apologies to every single person who’s had to listen to my uninvited rants, defensiveness and justifications.  You put on a brave face, and I put on a show. Hahaha, my friends are the most wonderful, patient and brave people in loving me despite all of this!


One Response

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  1. saNdra said, on 26/10/2011 at 4:55 PM

    i agree wit ya, that there is a reason for everything, but i dunno the reason for many things ><"

    hmm learning =]

    nice read.

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