the dance of the ink riddled fingers

confessions credited

Posted in 52 pickup, heroes of mine, thought spills by enisea on 01/11/2011

There’s a particular bravery that comes with confession, it is the liberation of imperfection.  It’s my favourite part of reading my favourite blogs; confessions of loneliness, of struggle, of multiple eating disorders, of feelings of inadequacy, of laziness and failure – as though to relieve my isolated thoughts of imperfection and trying to console to my heart that which isn’t perfect.  I, for one, love chocolate frogs/pumpkin juice, milk tea, paper moons, parapluies, and frank notes for their spills of honesty – I do visit you, you’re all tabbed onto my favourites bar!  Just wanted to shout out and credit you all for inspiring me with your bravery and honesty!

The below post is one I wrote about 6 months ago, but didn’t post, because emotional eating is something that everyone else rolls their eyes about saying “whatever, that’s not a real eating disorder, you’re a faker. It’s normal, and obviously eating disorders aren’t a norm”. I read another friend’s post  a couple of days ago and suddenly felt that heck, let’s get it all out. I’m aware that emotional eating affects a lot of women people, and although we joke about it all the time, it really has a detrimental effect on everything, it was something I felt completely out of control regarding, for at least 10 years.  So because I felt so out of control I decided to boast about my eating capacity rather than hide it, because that would mean that I knew what I was doing and so I tried to deceive myself into thinking it was my choice to eat and eat and eat (which of course it was!) instead of it being something I felt I was unable to restrain in myself.  I would joke about it a lot and will probably continue to, it’s something we like to hide behind because jokes mean laughter and laughter equates to a smiley face which means I’m happy.  Whoaaa, that’s a little revealing! But hey, it’s learning that my body is just my body and although it represents me, so do a lot of other demeanours.  Since writing this, I’ve been much more keen on exercise – I quite like “running”/jogging/walking and am planning to do the 35km eastlink cycle (yayy!), I’ve been eating one portion each meal (as opposed to 2 or 3) and have tried to avoid snacking and excessive junk food, which I’m not altogether rigid about.  Although this past week, I’ve been a little more indulgent in because I like getting very involved with special occasions! Haha, well here’s to progress! And shameless blogging!


2 Responses

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  1. saNdra said, on 01/11/2011 at 5:46 PM

    no, thank YOU for your insightful different angles at tackling all sorts of whimsical facets of life =]

    oh wow. eastlink. ive always wanted to go down that track …with my kmart bike lol. let me know if its do-able hehehe^^

    high five to blogging!!

  2. Matt said, on 01/11/2011 at 9:29 PM

    Such a heartfelt reminder..
    Confession: ‘the liberation of imperfection’
    The things I lack are numerous though large, my self-deceived conviction that; “I’m always ok.”

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