the dance of the ink riddled fingers


Posted in pin the tail on the love by enisea on 20/10/2012

It’s been a while since I’ve tortured you all with some sickly sweet regurgitation of the great love in my life.  So allow me the pleasure of doing so again. Especially because I have ridiculous amounts of work to do… so you can imagine I’m currently at the height of my daydreams!

We’ve clocked one month short of a year together, D and I.

It’s been a ridiculous year – and I’ll say “year” now because the month before we became “us”, he was overseas and I’d never been closer to someone than I felt with him while he rocked America (and my world).  And as though to make some sort of tradition of it, he’s decided to jet again, next week, for three weeks.  I suppose while I’m anchored ball and chain to my work and study, he’ll be my eyes out of this state.

So what can I say?  I have never felt so inspired, blessed, supported, valued, beautiful, (I really could go on forever), etc, as I have with D.  Hey, of all the romance critics out there, having being single for 22 years, I wouldn’t so much have believed, let alone imagined, that another human being might have the capacity to have that effect on me. (I barred myself from chic flicks as a teen so I wouldn’t be deceived into believing hollywood fairytales of charm and riches). Sure, it’s still ‘early days’ and I’ve heard that the so called “honeymoon period” has potential to last two years. But I’m sure I’m not blinded by infatuation (that’s what they all say, don’t they?).

Well, we sort of haven’t fought yet.  Don’t get me wrong, we’ve been real honest about some things and quite confronting about particular this and that.  We’ve disagreed and we’ve had moments of silence and biting tongues and gums; swallowing insecurities and frustrations; changing subjects and looking away.  We’ve experienced those – they weren’t pleasant but I’m glad for all of it and even gladder it hasn’t been all that frequent.  I’m thrilled I never entered relationship any younger than I did because the younger me wouldn’t have been as civil as I’ve learnt to be now and probably would’ve dealt with issues with a great deal more stupidity (I’ve had my moments of idiocy as is).  I suppose I want to share a little of what goes on between us because I’m a believer in beautiful relationships and think that bitter perspectives of “there’s no such thing as love blah blah love is ugly and painful” ought to be dashed against rocks into a kazillion pieces.  Love is amazing, but you actually have to take onus over doing it right, because it can be done right (and it can also be done very wrong).  And I’m going to have the audacity to say that we’re doing it right.

Our conversations are about things bigger than ourselves a lot of the time.  We throw our desires further than we currently are: dreaming about affecting our worlds and praying that we think outside of ourselves.  We dabble in imagination of what life might look like later, making sure to harness enough ambition that only we’d believe what we were saying.  We hear each other and have been really honest about imperfect us: learning to take honesty, and learning to deal honesty.  We challenge and question each other as to why we haven’t yet started or maintained things we said we’d do. We’d build up when the other is a little down. We pray every morning (mostly). We encourage like crazy.  We have moments of non-sensibility and enjoy silliness.  We consume too much food, have incredible food adventures and gain weight or complain about being overfull.  We are accountable to our respective besties when we’ve been a little too cosy with each other (because we’re the save-sex-til-marriage type of couple).  We inform each other of  funfacts, check-this-outs and have a collection of victory soft toys from “skill testers”.

And lastly, or firstly… we love God more than we love each other, and/or we let God love us more than the other can.  It’s a peculiar thing, but because our expectations of love fall firstly on God (perfection) and then on each other (the imperfect), we aren’t disappointed by what love ‘should be’ as we have what love is (God), and then some (each other).

Haha, though I’ll be honest, at times I’ve gotten the priority and order of who to love first a little jumbled and have been saddened or disappointed because I expected D to be a little closer to perfection than he was, and shortchanged myself of a few occasions God wanted to love me and grow me in different ways because I was being stubborn and took too long to convince… (long sentence). Yeah.

Well that’s my current take on the whole relationships concept.  No doubt I’m still very novice about the whole thing and there are oceans to learn about what love is and means and how crazy it can all be.  Lo I couldn’t be more childishly excited about learning it with D than I am. I just think he’s super cool… And if you knew him like I’m beginning to, you would too.

Has your face contorted by now?  I know if I weren’t smiling right now, I’d be disgusted too.



One Response

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  1. saNdra said, on 22/10/2012 at 12:53 PM

    haha ace stuff =]

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